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 Post subject: KCG's Murder Emperors
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 8:50 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 6:45 pm
Posts: 4739
Session Start: Sat Dec 24 20:19:20 2011
Session Ident: #KCGsAwesomeDandDGame
#03* Einar is now known as Camilla
#03* Heinrick is now known as Malachi
#03* Kain is now known as Farstride
#03* Alyssa is now known as AmmPaladin
DM: You are the young though illustrious band known only as the Murder Emperors. You have been tasked by the Crown Princess herself, Archduchess Merigold, to rid her summer palace and dungeon of the infestation of extradimensional entities that is all too present.

DM: Infestation is the right word indeed, for you've only been inside a few moments and are already accosted by a bunch of demons.

Farstride: "After you," Farstride sneers to Malachi, putting the demons between him and the magus.

DM: "Rakanishu!" The little demons cry out in unison.

Malachi: "...I'm gonna need more spells." Mal flourishes his blade to focus power into it, and steps forwards to strike down the first of the demons.

Camilla: "So these are the guys we're supposed to murder I guess. Let's go!"


DM: The fallen is cut in twane, the pieces both crying in pain as they fall

Malachi: "Or maybe not. Get up here, you pansies, they're wimps!"

Farstride: "Eh. That doesn't look so hard." Farstride fires an arrow at the nearest living demon."

Amm: "They shall fall like grass beneath a sickle! Evil shalt never overcome good!"

DM: The arrow flies right through the demons's soft skull, embedding itself into the wall behind it. It slumps uncerimoniously, before exploding in a slush of gore.

Malachi: "Seriously, man, nobody talks like that."

Farstride: "What do you have against the powers of Good, Malachi? Sounds like you are hiding something..." Farstride trails off, looking at Amm sympathetically.

Camilla: "You're so brave Malachi. Running ahead to get between me and these things!" Camilla points at one of the fallen, calling upon mysterious powers to rob it of its clarity of mind.

Amm: "Besmirch not the name of Good, yonder magus, lest I smite thee for thy misdeeds!"

Camilla: "Don't make me hex you." Camilla throws Amm a nasty glance.

DM: The demon falls over and begins snoring loudly.

Malachi: Malachi sighs. "Whatever. Go good, and all that, long as we get paid."

Amm: Amm charges forward, screaming a war cry as he smites one of the foul creatures with his axe.

DM: Amm takes two damage as it is not his turn.

DM: The shaman waves his staff menacingly, as the gore from one of the fallen mystically soaks back into it's former home. The fallen stands up as though nothing happened.

Malachi: "Hey, guys? I'm thinking maybe we kill him first?"

Farstride: "Clear a path then, meat shield."

Malachi: "You've got a higher AC and more hit points than I do, *******."

Farstride: "I don't know what kind of magic talk that is, but it smelled like excuse."

DM: The fallen strike forth, with the obvious exception of the sleeping one because that would be silly. The one striking at Farstride misses laughingly, as does one of the fallen attacing Malachi. However one strikes with fury and rage right in Malachi's gut, dealing a whopping 10 damage.

Malachi: Malachi's response to the ranger is stricken by the sword in his stomach.

Amm: Amm belows a second war-cry, smiting the evil creatures with his most holy axe.

Camilla: "Ouch." Camilla looks at Farstride. "Maybe you'd make a better meat shield after all."

Amm: Blood flies from his first blow, but the second whistles harmlessly through the air.

DM: The first fallen in his warpath is chopped like a tiny stick, torso flailing like some sick joke before it lands at the shaman's feet. The second one not so much.

Malachi: "Ooof... alright, screw you guys." Malachi's hands fly into a dizzying flurry, blending steel and arcane gestures, as he slashes at the fallen that stabbed him, while tossing a burst of magical light at the shaman's eyes.

DM: Malachi's swing goes far, nearly hitting Amm in the face. His magework is more effective, however, and the shaman is dazed thoroughly.

Farstride: Farstride moves to place MacPaladin between the nearest fallen and takes aim at the shaman. He fires his arrow at the creature's throat.

DM: Farstride's poor shot thunks him in the head, dealing 1 nonlethal damage.

Farstride: Farstride, his retreat cut off by Malachi's overfed ***, drops his bow and draws his sword to cut the head of the nearest fallen.

DM: The fallen is cleaved from shoulder to waist, gore spraying a happy face on the wall.

Farstride: "Could you PLEASE think of the archers, people?"

Farstride: "And dear Camilla."

Camilla: Camilla lays a hand on Malachi's shoulder, sighing. "Well if you're going to meat shield, you look like you could use some help..." She begins a mystic chant.

Camilla: "In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil will stab you in the guts again."

Amm: "The ranger doth speak truly! Considereth thine fellows, and evil shalt be smote ever more sotely!"



DM: The shaman gibbers to himself like a retard, while the fallen attack once more.

Malachi: "Talky McSmitepants is the meat shield. I'd rather not see my guts splattered all over the floor, if it's all the same to you. And at least Cammy has some tactical sense."

DM: The one able-bodied fallen strikes at Amm's arm, dealing 3 damage.

DM: Then the other fallen wakes up.

Amm: Amm raises his axe and brings it down upon the next minion of evil, face set in righteous wrath.

DM: Amm's attack falls short, while the fallen grins nervously.

Farstride: Farstride recovers his bow and fires at the shaman.

Farstride: "****!"

Malachi: "Maybe you should stick to the sword. You don't seem cut out to be an archer."

DM: Farstride whacks himself in the face because it's not his turn, taking 2 damage

Farstride: "Maybe you should stick to killing things. You don't seem cut out to be a quipper."

Malachi: "Watch and learn, simpleton." He strikes at the Fallen in front of him.

DM: The fallen's arm and leg are lopped off. It screams for a moment, but then blood inexplicably fills its mouth and it falls over.

Farstride: Farstride recovers his bow for real this time and fires at the shaman.

Farstride: "Stop wasting time with the minions, Meat."

DM: The arrow plows through the shaman's staff, snapping it in two before impaling itself in the shaman's dark heart. It screams "Kolenzo!" before falling over. The last fallen freaks the **** out at the sight.

Malachi: "Ah, so you can do something right. We may make something out of you yet."

Camilla: Camilla points imperiously at the awakening fallen. "Did I say you could get up?"

DM: The fallen freezes up, staring in horror.

Amm: Amm strides forward, aiming to sever the next minion of evil's head from his evil shoulders. "There shalt be no escape from thy wickeed deeds, doer of evil!" he shouts.

DM: Despite an axe being a chopping weapon, the fallen is pulverized and reduced to a bloody pile of smelly organs.

Farstride: Farstride sifts through the gore, searching for any useful belongings the foul creatures might have had.

Malachi: As does Malachi, making a beeline for the shaman.

Amm: Amm similarly does so, eager to turn evil's tools against it.

Camilla: Camilla favors the wooden-headed fighter with a smile.

Camilla: "See what they had for me, would you?"

Amm: "We shalt take their baubles of evil, and use them for the cause of good!"

DM: In addition to the small swords every fallen was armed with, there are also three small vials of red liquid found among the monsters.

Farstride: Farstride chuckles.

Amm: "What sorcerous elixirs be these?!"

Camilla: "Ooh."

Malachi: "Let's see if we can find out..."

Malachi: Malachi examines one of them, sniffing and tasting a tiny amount of the red stuff.

Amm: Amm stares dumbly as the others examine the sorcerous elixirs.

DM: Farstride and Malachi independantly figure out that they are minor healing potions. Camilla, however, is convinced they are poison vials, to apply to weapons.

Farstride: "Don't waste it. It appears to be a tonic similar to those that real medics use in their work."

Malachi: "Healing potions. Should come in handy."

Camilla: "I have no idea what these are." Camilla quickly loses interest and picks up a sword instead. "Better watch your backs, though," she grins.

Camilla: "Oh, good. You don't need one now, though, do you?"

Camilla: "Ready to move on?" Camilla shoos the meat shields down the hall.

Amm: "I shalt waste no chance to better purge evil from the world, oh witch!"

Farstride: "Actually this clumsy oaf probably does. Take one, so that you don't die on us."

Malachi: "We'll see what the next bunch of monsters is like." Mal puts one of the potions through a convenient loop on his belt. "After you, Smitey."

Farstride: Farstride says regarding Malachi

Farstride: Who is bleeding profusely.

Farstride: And probably wouldn't survive another strike in the guts like that which he suffer.

Farstride: ed.

Amm: "I shalt lead the way! Behind me, mine comrades, that we shalt deliver unto evil the smiting it is due!"

Farstride: "South then, noble paladin," Farstride points to the southern door.

Camilla: Camilla sniffs. "He has my expert mystic protection, so he can deal with the gut wound."

Amm: The noble paladin strides south, ever vigilant for evil to smite.

DM: The "paladin" finds that door to be unlocked, eager for passing.

Camilla: Camilla's eyes are on Farstride's ***, not on the dungeon surroundings.

Malachi: "Hang up."

Malachi: "There's more of them behind the door. I can hear the little shits laughing at something."

Camilla: "Probably an evil trap that's gonna kill whoever opens the door."

Amm: "Minions of evil, afoot?! Waste no time, yonder comrades, we must smite them from existence!"

Camilla: Camilla steps back and motions for one of the men to go first.

Amm: Amm throws open the door.

Farstride: Farstride, his bow drawn, covers Amm.

Malachi: "Hang on. You mind standing... nevermind."

Amm: "There is no time to waste, magus! Only evil to defeat!"

DM: Amm sees a pair of fallen down the hall.

Malachi: Malchi waits to see if anything horrible happens when Amm goes down the hall.

Farstride: Farstride fires an arrow at the lead demon, right past Amm's ear.

Farstride: "Damn it!"

DM: Farstride is right to curse, as his arrow missed.

Camilla: Camilla points mystically at the rear demon.

DM: The rear demon falls over and begins to murmur.

DM: Meanwhile the lead demon charges at Amm.

Camilla: She blows imaginary smoke off her finger and grins at Farstride.

DM: His aim is true, but his thrust is found wanting, as he deals a single point of damage.

Farstride: Farstride grins back, shaking his head ruefully. "Nicely done, Dear."

Amm: Amm sneers in contempt and meets the demon's charge with his axe, bringing it down upon the doer of evil's skull.

DM: Amm's swing misses, but he comes to learn an important lesson from it anyways: these demons are weak and do not require forceful power to overcome.

Malachi: Malachi darts forward, and slips his sword past Amm to stab the monster.

DM: Malachi's sword is just as true as the demon's, and far more effective. It sticks in it's skull for a moment, before the demon slides off neatly. And then collapses in a pile of gore.

Farstride: Farstride moves closer, leaving room for Camilla to finish off the sleeping monster.

Farstride: He checks to see if any of his arrows survived for him to recover.

Camilla: Camilla stares uncomprehendingly for a moment. "You want me to... oh, fine."

Camilla: She moves up and stabs at the demon.

Malachi: "Glad it wasn't trapped; I'd have hated to lose the only other person here with a brain."

DM: For the first time ever in this adventure, a demon is stabbed and doesn't quite die. The demon in question awakens, in pain but not dead.

Camilla: Camilla looks ruefully at the sword. "I knew I kept you guys around for something."

Amm: "Thine enemy's survival doth not diminish the nobility of thine attempt, yonder witch!"

DM: Amm spots a whole bunch of other demons.

DM: "Kolenzo!" the shamans shout in unison.

Amm: "Zounds! The numbers of evil's minions are without end!"

Malachi: "STay down, fool." Mal tosses a burst of light at the prone demon's eyes as he moves forwards.

Camilla: "Who says 'zounds' anyway?" Camilla mutters.

DM: The wounded fallen is dazed by Malachi's foul sorcery.

Amm: "Take heart, mine comrades! Good always doth triumph over evil in the end!"

Farstride: Farstride squeezes into the hallway next to Camilla and stabs the demon.

DM: Farstride is far better a murder than the delicate witch, and thrashes the demon's skull like some kind of vicious rat.

Camilla: "Thanks Farstride." Camilla brushes past the ranger and leans around the corner, pointing at the lead demon.

DM: The fallen falls asleep.

Camilla: "Go get him."

DM: The shamans begin chanting, and the two hallway fallen spring back to life, gore and all.

Camilla: "Oh screw those guys!"

Amm: "Zounds! Good's work beith never done!"

DM: Meanwhile the three active fallen gang up on Amm.

Farstride: "Get the damn shamans!" Farstride yells.

DM: Luckily only one manages to hit Amm, dealing 4 damage.

Amm: Amm raises his axe to eradicate these next minions of evil from the world.

DM: The mighty paladinic axe cleaves through a pair of fallen, leaving nothing but ghosts and nostalgia for the simpler times.

Malachi: "Damn you, stay dead!" Malachi chops the ex-corpse that just got up beside him.

DM: Malachi redeads the formerly dead fallen. Will it stay dead this time? Stay tuned!

Malachi: done

Farstride: Farstride stabs at the rising fiend in its throat.

DM: Farstride spectacularly destroys the fallen that has now fallen before him anew. It's like he was never alive again to begin with.

Farstride: He then moves to back up Amm, drawing up shy as the paladin has failed to clear a path for the archers.

Camilla: "Shamans. Got it." Camilla points menacingly at the nearer shaman.

DM: Sadly, this shaman manages to resist Camilla's enchantments.

Camilla: Camilla ducks back around the corner. "Really don't like those guys."

DM: The shamans chant once more, their calls to the dead are dire ones. Two fallen spring back to life.

DM: Two other already alive fallen rush at Amm and Farstride, but fail to accomplish anything meaningful.

Amm: Amm barrels forward while swerving to avoid the fallen, aiming to to remove the shamans from the battle with a single cleft from his axe.

DM: With the foresight of the very gods, Amm manages to take out the two monsters who kept this combat going as long as it did. When will the blood haze finally clear? None can say.

Malachi: Grumbling under his breath, Malachi cuts down the fallen before him once again.

Amm: "Evil shall never triumph, foolish minions! Surrender thine arms now, and honor shalt demand we let thee live!"

Malachi: "Abadar's foot fungus, you little freaks are annoying!"

DM: "Bishobosh!" the creature yelps in reply.

Farstride: Farstride considers, and takes a risk. He smashes his shield into one creature's face and swings his blade at the other.

DM: Farstride's blade is a glorious sight to behold, or so we're told. Hard to tell with all the blood covering it. Blood from the newly dead fallen.

Camilla: "Hey! Get away from me!" Camilla steps back, unslings her crossbow, and unloads it at the rising fallen's face.

Farstride: Farstride moves into the room grimly.

DM: The fallen strike once more. This time it is fair Camilla who tastes the oddly warm steel, taking five damage to her no doubt shapely abdomen. Or maybe she's a bit hefty? That's okay too.

Amm: Amm backtracks up to his companions, delivering further divine retribution upon these doers of evil through the end of his axe.

DM: And once again Amm explodes a fallen.

Malachi: Malachi slashes furiously at his foe, while throwing a spell at Cammilla's.

DM: Malachi butchers the fallen before him, but only barely.

DM: While the spell-suckered fallen wards off the mystical assault.

Farstride: Farstride swings viciously at the remaining demon.

DM: With a glorious finale, Farstride's attack somehow cuts the demon into not two, not three, but six pieces.

Camilla: "You're the best."

Malachi: "For ****'s sake. Alright, let's loot 'em and move on."

Malachi: Mal starts with the one that died three times.

Farstride: "That's been said, Camilla, though I hesitate to claim such in the face of your potent arcana."

Farstride: Farstride watches Mal sift through the muck.

Amm: Amm searches the shamans for arcane trinkets.

Farstride: "If there are any arrows..." he calls to his searching comrades.

Camilla: "Oh, you flatterer." Camilla grins.

Camilla: She keeps an eye out for some arrows.

DM: Wading through the gore pooling at your feet, you all manage to recover two additional small red vials identical to the ones before. Meanwhile the shamans each carry a special surprise. One was for some reason holding a magic looking sword, while the other was cloaked in a fancy looking magicl looking cloak or whatever.

Malachi: He rolls his eyes at the ranger's blatant attempts at getting some.

Malachi: "What's this... looks magical."

Camilla: "Let an expert take a look." Camilla elbows him aside.

Camilla: "It's magic."

Farstride: "You better take it, Malachi. You seem to need all the help you can get."

Camilla: "One of you boys could use this, anyway. Hey, that cape looks nice."

Farstride: He picks the cape up. "And this seems as though it would fit you perfectly, my dear."

Farstride: He hands it to her.

Malachi: Malachi accepts the sword, flipping Farstride off in the process.

Amm: Amm merely thinks happily of the evil that hath been smitten this day.

Malachi: He assists in Cammy's examination.

Amm: Surely there is more to follow.

Camilla: "Thanks, Farstride." Camilla settles the cape around her shoulders and favors the ranger with another smile.

Malachi: "What kind of powers do they both have?"

Camilla: "The cape protects from spells and arcana. Must be how he shook off my spell. The sword's magically sharp."

Amm: "Such a blade would be a potent weapon in thine hands, Magus Malachi."

Camilla: Camilla glances at the next set of potions. "I don't want any. They're demon potions, the're probably poison."

Malachi: "Ah... I can actually do that on my own. Either of our mystically challenged companions want it?"

Amm: "Nay! My axe doth serve me well!"

Farstride: "Fine. Just remember I offered."

Farstride: Farstride takes the blade.

Malachi: "Sure." Now that they have spares, he drinks a healing potion, leaving each party member with one.

DM: Malachi heals 9 damage.

Camilla: "Hmph."

Amm: Amm drinks one of his own.

Camilla: Poison disproven, Camilla accepts a potion.

Malachi: "Just lucky I guessed better on that one, I'm sure."

Farstride: "Hmm. I suppose naming swords of this power is what is expected. I shall call this Camilla's Sting."

DM: The sword glows suddenly, as though reacting positively to the name.

Camilla: "Oh, you flatterer." Camilla looks no less pleased than the last time.

Malachi: "We ready?"

Farstride: Farstride grins. "Yes. Let's exterminate more of this vermin. Lead on, Amm."

DM: A number of doors are at your perusal.

DM: You need pick only one.

Amm: "Evil still be afoot! Let us travel south to expunge it!"

Malachi: Again, Malachi lets the faux-aladin go first.

DM: Amm finds this door wide open, though close behind it is a closed one.

Amm: The paladin holds up a hand, whispering, "There beith an unusual sound... different from these other minions of darkness."

Amm: "But surely, it doth come from a living heart."

Farstride: "Well open the door, Amm. We can see if it is evil to smite or not."

Amm: "Ready thineselves, my comrades, we shall eradicate this new strain of evil from the world!"

Malachi: "I'm sure it's horribly evil, and deserving of all sorts of smitings."

Amm: Amm throws the door open.


DM: A strange little man stands in the next room. He is armed with a very large knife for his size, though his mouth seems even larger.

DM: "Minananbabnabnana!" it exclaims.

Amm: "Art thou a servant of DARKNESS or LIGHT?!"

DM: "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"

DM: He brandishes his big knife.

Camilla: "I guess that settles it."

Camilla: Camilla raises her hands.

Malachi: "Let's see if this one dies as fast as the others..."

DM: Amm vanishes suddenly, like a wizard plucked him right out of space time. You have bigger things to worry about though. or rather smaller ones.

Camilla: "Damn."

Farstride: "Kill it, Mal. Or are you waiting for an engraved invitation?"


Malachi: "****. Looks like I'm the shield after all." He slashes at the creature, empowering his blade with mystic force.

DM: Malachi's blade thunks the little creature right in its big head, but it does not go down.

Malachi: "Guess you're a little tougher than your buddies."

DM: Luckily the little punk is even worse at combat, and swings really awkwardly.

Camilla: Camilla points menacingly at the little creature, calling down fell spirits to cloud his mind.

Farstride: "One side, my dear," Farstride calls.

Camilla: She steps neatly out of Farstride's way.

DM: The little ******* is dazed.

Farstride: "It is a shame, Malachi, that I shall not be able to harm this creature. It is a fey, and against my nature borne oaths to slay."

Malachi: "...you're shitting me."

Farstride: Farstride grins and fires an arrow over the dazed creature's head.

DM: Farstride speaks only truth.

Farstride: "Nature herself shall prevent me from harming it." He moves in.

Malachi: "Sure. An oath, can't be you just suck." He pulls his sword out of its head, and stabs again at the same spot.

Camilla: "Nature borne oaths? What sort of oaths did you swear?"

DM: This time the little freak goes down, his skull bleeding profusely.

Farstride: "I am a scourge of demons, I'm afraid, not of the violent spirits that lurk behind this world."

Farstride: Farstride searches the fetish. "Let us see the bounty nature has left behind for us."

Malachi: As he searches the body of the enemy he slew, Malachi feels new arcane knwoledge rush into his mind... and his book.

Camilla: Camilla waits for the men to finish searching, mentally investigating the new arcane power flowing through her mind.

DM: The fetish inexplicably holds a magic circlet, two magic belts, and a quiver of arrows.

Farstride: "Surely this was a leader among its kind..."

Camilla: "Oooh. I want the circlet. Farstride, that belt would look really good on you. And... hmmm. Malachi, you'd better take the other one."

Malachi: "What do they do?"

Farstride: "They improve one's natural abilities. That should put you on par with a mortal man."

Malachi: "Meaning two steps above you?," he fires back as he puts on the belt.

Camilla: Camilla settles the circlet over her head, waiting for the expected rush of arcane ability. "That's right. That one'll lend you a bit of muscle."

Malachi: "I like it."

Farstride: Farstride buckles the belt around his waist and flexes his muscles that are a match for Malachi's mystically enhanced ones. "Yes. Two steps above me."

Malachi: "I guess it's true what they say about brains and brawn... and exceptions proving rules, in my case. Let's move on, before your head won't fit through the doors."

Camilla: "So now that you're bigger and stronger, Malachi, I think you're on door-opening duty."

Farstride: "Indeed." Farstride points to the door to the south.

DM: Suddenly the door is kicked in.

Farstride: "Damn it man! We're supposed to get the drop on them!"

Camilla: "Or they could do it... Quick, block the door!"

DM: Three goat monsters stand before you.

DM: "They killed the present bearer!"

Malachi: "Fine. Lets me try out that spell I've been working on."

DM: "Die monsters! You don't belong in this world!"

Malachi: "You guys related to the axe-swinger we just lost?" He approaches the beasts, and holds his sword defensively across his body as he invokes words of power, sending a sheet of flame across them.

DM: Malachi's burning hands sweep through the startled goatmen, and they bleet in pain.

DM: "Wh-hy-hy-hy-hy, who are you to do this thing!?"

Farstride: "It was not by my hand that I was once again given flesh," Farshore mutters as he advances on the goatmen. He cuts at the throat of the first.

DM: The doorway blocks Farstride's attack.

Camilla: Camilla steps around the corner and begins incanting a spell.

Farstride: "I was called here by HUMANS!"

DM: "You steal men's souls and make them your sla-a-a-a-aves!"

Farstride: "Perhaps the same could be said...of all religions."

Camilla: "Um?"

DM: While one goatman stands strong against you, the two others seem to just walk off.

DM: Sadly the brave goat's attack fails against the menacing human.

Camilla: "Wait for my spell."

Malachi: "ARe you really discussing philosophy while trying to kill each other? Is that a thing we do now?"

DM: "Man kind ill needs a sa-a-a-a-a-avoir like you!"

Farstride: "What is a man? A misrable little pile of secrets!"

Malachi: "I'm no savior. I'm just a mecenary." He strikes at the goat-man mid rant.

Camilla: "Farstride, everything all right there?"

Malachi: ...after Camilla is finished.

Camilla: Finishing her incantation, Camilla lays a hand on Malachi and his frame grows yet larger and more muscular. "A little more help for you."

Farstride: "Enough talk. Have at you!" Farstride slashes at the goatman's skull.

DM: The goatman's muscles go rigid at the blow, leaving him standing even as his guts poor from his torn abdomen. After an agonizing forever, he falls to the ground.

Camilla: Camilla sighs. "That's the trouble with that spell. Takes too long."

Camilla: "What was that all about, Farstride?"

Farstride: "The foul creature thinks we are merely chattle, to be used as it wishes," Farstride explains.

Camilla: "Figures."

Malachi: "Let them try."

Camilla: "Lets move quickly. That spell only lasts a couple of minutes."

Farstride: "After them then!"

Malachi: Malachi waits for any of the demons to come within his now greater reach.

Farstride: Farstride gives him an odd glance, as though he does not know what 'after them' means, and moves to engage.

DM: The remaining two demons totally snuck back around and are now attacking the ravishing witch.

Camilla: "Um, behind you? Help?"

Malachi: "You mean them?" Malachi remarks, as he springs into action, just as he was waiting to do.

DM: Before the goat can even swing it's axe, however, Malachi's huge throbbing metaphor crashes down into it, leaving nothing but goo.

DM: The other goat's eyes go wide.

Farstride: Farstride moves in on the wide-eyed creature.

Farstride: Slashing low at its ankles.

DM: Farstride's attack wounds the goat grievously, removing a bit of hoof and thigh, but it does not fall.

Camilla: Camilla steps back and calls down a curse on the final foe.

DM: The wounded goat somehow manages to overcome the bedevilment.

Farstride: "Kill it, Mal! This is supposed to be your job!"

Malachi: Mal steps forward, and thrusts his sword over Farstride's had.

Malachi: His head, too.

DM: Mal's giganticness finishes the job. The goat is unable to even make a final cry.

Farstride: "Search 'em."

Camilla: "Sweet." Camilla waits for the men to look through the corpses, again."

Malachi: "There. Now quit bitching." He searches the goatmen by the simple expedient of holding their ankles and shaking them.

Malachi: "Good spell, Camilla. I'll have to remember this one."

Farstride: Farstride picks up whatever Mal drops and urges the magus to move further south.

DM: Sadly these goats have nothing but the axes they carried

DM: And two healing potions

DM: As the heroic party moves further south, they see the room the goats entered from is empty, save for some goat looking doecorations on the walls.

Malachi: He squeezes his enlarged frame through the door the goats came from.

Farstride: "Further up and further in."

Malachi: "This looks like a side passage."

Camilla: "Yeah. Lets make sure nothing sneaks out behind us again."

Malachi: Mal tries teh door to the west.

Camilla: Camilla places her back to the wall while Mal opens the door.

DM: Oh **** it's vampires holy ****!

Farstride: "Oh ****, it's vampires!"

Malachi: Taking advantage of the surprise, he moves in to strike them down. "Your fancy oaths let you fight these ones?"

DM: "Mortal, what are you going on about? You are going to die so hard it's not even humorous. See what I did there? It was humorous that I said that, despite saying there was no humor to be found. Though I suppose such wit is beyond your ken."

Malachi: "Oh, you're a riot, alright." He accompanies the retort with a slash at the undead, as well as an invocation of shielding.

DM: True to Malachi's word, he manages to strike down the talking vampire with little fanfare. It's bones burn on the ground.

Camilla: Camilla moves up to Farstride and slaps him on the ***. "Have a bit of luck."

Farstride: Farstride rushes in, sword in hand, luck in heart.

DM: The second vampire is thrashed quite a bit by Farstride's horrific assault. They probably have nothing witty to say now.

Camilla: "Got anything witty to say now?"

DM: Instead they blast Farstride and Malachi with the flames of motherfucking metal as all **** hell

Malachi: "Fucking hell!"

DM: Malachi takes 14 damage, while Farstrider takes 9

Farstride: "argh!"

Camilla: "Are you guys OK?!"

Farstride: "I've been better"

Malachi: "Be fine in a minute!" Malachi thrusts into one of the vampires, not covered by Farstride.

DM: The vampire very nearly crumbles to the ground, but unholy rage holds its flaming bones together.


Malachi: "You first."

Farstride: Farstride sighs. "I guess if you want something done right..." He swings his shield and sword at the two vampires.

Farstride: "There can only be one!"

DM: In a single amazing swoop, like some kind of legendary barbarian hero, Farstride thrashes the two vampires into flaming dust.

Farstride: Farstride immediately searches their corpses.

Camilla: "That looked like it hurt..." Camilla looks on sympathetically from a safe distance.

DM: Farstride finds within the burning dust piles two suits of magical armor, most fortunately of the kind he and Malachi are currently wearing.

Malachi: "Hurt more for them."

Camilla: "Let me renew your ward. Looks like the flames burned it away."

Malachi: "Why thank you, Cammy."

Farstride: "You take the chain, Mal, I'll take the breastplate. Is this magic, Cam?"

Camilla: "You bet."

Malachi: Mal casts detect magic. "Yep. Let's see how good..."

Malachi: "Not bad. Vampire's chain is decent stuff, it seems."

Farstride: "I'll have to take your word for it."

Camilla: Camilla nods. "I bet if we press on we can find better, though. Are you guys ready to go, or do you need a break?"

Farstride: Farstride discards his old armor on the ground. "Dracul's Shell will protect me now."

Farstride: "I'm ready to go."

DM: Dracul's Shell glows with infernal power, bequeathing it's namer with...infernal power.

Malachi: "Considering what we did to get it, might as well call it Flame's Chain."

DM: Flame's Chain likewise lights up the night.

Malachi: "Not getting rid of mine, though. That ****'s expensive."

Camilla: "Hopefully it doesn't corrupt its wearers into twisted vampiric shells of their former selves, or anything like that." Camilla grins brightly. "South door?"

Malachi: "Yep."

Farstride: Fraid my time is up, gents. Gf's on her way.

Malachi: Mal drinks another healing potion on his way to the door.

Farstride: 10-15 min tops.

DM: Well make sure all your info is saved. this may happen again sometime in the future.

Farstride: Mine is on the thread.

Farstride: I've updated as treasure has been given. Only thing I don't know is how many healing potions I have.

Malachi: "What the hell are you talking about? You a tailor on the side or something?"

DM: Malachi finds an empty hallway.

Malachi: "Yeah, this'll be fun..." He squeezes down it.

DM: The smell of home cooking wafts through Malachi's nostrils.

Malachi: "I think it's some kind of kitchen down here. C'mon."

DM: A strange woman greets you. "Oh hello there. Don't mind me, I'm just a mystic making supper."

Camilla: Camilla follows safely behind.

DM: "If you want, you can rest here and save your game."

Farstride: "Sounds like a plan, Mystic Woman!" Farstride does so.

Malachi: "Uh. Sure, why not. You work for the Archduchess?"

Camilla: "Great. Although at least one of us doesn't have much game to save."

Camilla: Camilla elbows Malachi in the ribs.

DM: And so our triumphant party goes to sleep under the care of the Mystic Woman. Who knows what will happen the next time they play? Or if they ever will again? Well we'll find out one day won't we? Tune in next time for some more crazy ****.

Session Time: Sun Dec 25 00:00:00 2011

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